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Monday, August 31, 2009

Some light jokes ( Funny jokes )


 

Some light jokes
 

 
 

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
~~~~~~
A drunkard was brought to court.
Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?
~~~~~~
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting,
"Daddy!Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"
"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.
"Come in to the living room and tell me about it."
"Well, "began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math's and 20 in science."
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.
~~~~~~
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
~~~~~~~
Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
~~~~~~~
1st thief :Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief:But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief :Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
~~~~~~~~
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
~~~~~~~~~
Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
~~~~~~~
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
~~~~~~~
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
~~~~~~~
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy :No, mine is undying love.
~~~~~~~~
There was a brilliant student and his General Knowledge (*GK*) was excellent.
He won every GK Quiz he took part in ....
Then one day he fell in love with a girl...
He proposed the girl, but she flatly rejected him The poor Indian fellow was heart-broken. .
Strangely, after this episode, he became very weak at GK, he stopped taking part in GK Quizzes.....
Now, can u tell WHY ???
Jab Dil Hi Toot Gaya Toh GK Kya Karenge!!
~~~~~~~~
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband:Sure, what are my choices?
Wife :Yes and
no.
~~~~~~~

 

There are more jokes for you click on the link below...(must read)

 

 

(1)Certain Things In Life ! (2)Cough it up ! (3)Pack of Jokes... (4)HIJACK !!! (5)Overconfidence !!!




-->

Saturday, August 29, 2009

FW: :Beautiful Flowers ( must see )

----- Original Message -----
Subject: :Beautiful Flowers ( must see )
Date: Sat, 22 Aug 2009 13:32:57
From: Silvia D'silva <Undisclosed@.missing.host.name>

 

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( Guys Watch This Funny Video And Enjoy It ) Impressive Office Camouflage


 


************ ********* *******

************ ********* *******
 
 
It's all in Russian, but don't worry you can still be impressed by all the hiding spots within the office!
 
 
THERE ARE LOTS OF ENTERTAINMENT VIDEOS. JUST CLICK BELOW... ( MUST SEE )
 
 
 
 

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FW: ( Enjoy it and forward ) Resumes and Cover Letters

----- Original Message -----
Subject: ( Enjoy it and forward ) Resumes and Cover Letters
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 2009 8:45:48
From: Shilpa Malhotra <Undisclosed@.missing.host.name>

 

 
Resumes and Cover Letters
 
Love Humor & Jokes? Click here to Join Group...

 
 
 

1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
7. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 8. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 9. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 10. Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details.
11. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments. 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. 16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. 18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments. 19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. 20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job. 22. Marital status: often. Children: various. 23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. Every morning. Could not work under those conditions.
24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. 25. Finished eighth in my class of ten. 26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.

 
More Jokes & Humor for U !-) ( click on the links below )
 
|   Resumes and Cover Letters |   Wacky Definitions   |   Letter to Ex-girlfriend |

 
|   English -- Briton Vs Asian   |   Where u are   |

 
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
 

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Forward this mail to Your Friends If You Liked... !  
 
 
 
 
 

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

He, who loses money ( Short sms )



 
He, who loses money
 
 
 
More nice SMS Quotes for U ! ( click on the link below )
 
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... <!-- #ygrp-mkp{ border:1px solid #d8d8d8;font-family:Arial;margin:14px 0px;padding:0px 14px;} #ygrp-mkp hr{ border:1px solid #d8d8d8;} #ygrp-mkp #hd{ color:#628c2a;font-size:85%;font-weight:bold;line-height:122%;margin:10px 0px;} #ygrp-mkp #ads{ margin-bottom:10px;} #ygrp-mkp .ad{ padding:0 0;} #ygrp-mkp .ad a{ color:#0000ff;text-decoration:none;} --> <!-- #ygrp-sponsor #ygrp-lc{ font-family:Arial;} #ygrp-sponsor #ygrp-lc #hd{ margin:10px 0px;font-weight:bold;font-size:78%;line-height:122%;} #ygrp-sponsor #ygrp-lc .ad{ margin-bottom:10px;padding:0 0;} --> <!-- #ygrp-mlmsg {font-size:13px;font-family:arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif;} #ygrp-mlmsg table {font-size:inherit;font:100%;} #ygrp-mlmsg select, input, textarea {font:99% arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif;} #ygrp-mlmsg pre, code {font:115% monospace;} #ygrp-mlmsg * {line-height:1.22em;} #ygrp-text{ font-family:Georgia; } #ygrp-text p{ margin:0 0 1em 0;} dd.last p a { font-family:Verdana;font-weight:bold;} #ygrp-vitnav{ padding-top:10px;font-family:Verdana;font-size:77%;margin:0;} #ygrp-vitnav a{ padding:0 1px;} #ygrp-mlmsg #logo{ padding-bottom:10px;} #ygrp-reco { margin-bottom:20px;padding:0px;} #ygrp-reco #reco-head { font-weight:bold;color:#ff7900;} #reco-category{ font-size:77%;} #reco-desc{ font-size:77%;} #ygrp-vital a{ text-decoration:none;} #ygrp-vital a:hover{ text-decoration:underline;} #ygrp-sponsor #ov ul{ padding:0 0 0 8px;margin:0;} #ygrp-sponsor #ov li{ list-style-type:square;padding:6px 0;font-size:77%;} #ygrp-sponsor #ov li a{ text-decoration:none;font-size:130%;} #ygrp-sponsor #nc{ background-color:#eee;margin-bottom:20px;padding:0 8px;} #ygrp-sponsor .ad{ padding:8px 0;} #ygrp-sponsor .ad #hd1{ font-family:Arial;font-weight:bold;color:#628c2a;font-size:100%;line-height:122%;} #ygrp-sponsor .ad a{ text-decoration:none;} #ygrp-sponsor .ad a:hover{ text-decoration:underline;} #ygrp-sponsor .ad p{ margin:0;font-weight:normal;color:#000000;} o{font-size:0;} .MsoNormal{ margin:0 0 0 0;} #ygrp-text tt{ font-size:120%;} blockquote{margin:0 0 0 4px;} .replbq{margin:4;} dd.last p span { margin-right:10px;font-family:Verdana;font-weight:bold;} dd.last p span.yshortcuts { margin-right:0;} div.photo-title a, div.photo-title a:active, div.photo-title a:hover, div.photo-title a:visited { text-decoration:none;} div.file-title a, div.file-title a:active, div.file-title a:hover, div.file-title a:visited { text-decoration:none;} #ygrp-msg p#attach-count { clear:both;padding:15px 0 3px 0;overflow:hidden;} #ygrp-msg p#attach-count span { color:#1E66AE;font-weight:bold;} div#ygrp-mlmsg #ygrp-msg p a span.yshortcuts { font-family:Verdana;font-size:10px;font-weight:normal;} #ygrp-msg p a { font-family:Verdana;} #ygrp-mlmsg a { color:#1E66AE;} div.attach-table div div a { text-decoration:none;} div.attach-table { width:400px;} -->

( Share it with your friends ) LEAVE LETTERS


LEAVE LETTERS
 

 
 

 This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...   

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
 
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee  who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
 
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:  
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
 
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
 
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
 
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."  
 
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
 
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
 
9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."
 
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
 
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
 
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying  for
the post.

 
More Jokes & Humor for U !-) ( click on the links below )
 
 
 
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .........

Monday, August 24, 2009

Examinations special ( Must read )


Sunday, August 23, 2009

Bad Girl No Mind - Funny Video


Bad Girl No Mind
 

 
 
More Cool & Funny Videos for you. Click on the image Below...
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......
 
     
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......
 
Love Cool Mails? 

 
 
 



WOMAN'S WORLD Funny


WOMAN'S WORLD
 
 
 
 

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

 


She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

 

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

 

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

 

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

 

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 

 

 

**********

 


WOMEN'S REVENGE

 


"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

 

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

 

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

 

And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

 

 

 

**********

 


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

 


I know I'm not going to understand women.

 

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

 

Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

 

 

 

**********

 


MARRIAGE SEMINAR

 


While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

 

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

 

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

 

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

 

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

 

 

 

**********

 


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

 


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

 

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

 

A few minutes later, he deposi ts a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

 

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

 

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers;

 

Cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

 

 

 

**********

 


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

 


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

 

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

 

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

 

The husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

 

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 


**********

 


WORDS

 


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

 

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

 

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

 

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

 


**********

 


CREATION

 


A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

 

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

 

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

 

 

 

**********

 


WHO DOES WHAT

 


A man and his wife were having an argument about who

 

Should brew the coffee each morning.

 

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee ."

 

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

 

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

 

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"

 

 

 

**********

 


The Silent Treatment

 


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

 

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

 

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM . " He left it where he knew she would find it.

 


The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

 


The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

 


Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 


**********

 


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece .

 


**********
 
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
HANDLE IT.

 


**********

 

 

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......
 
More Jokes & Humor for U !-) ( click on the links below )
 
 
 
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .......

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 




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