THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH - FUNNY

 

THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH         My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until your father gets home."   My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:. "You are going to get it when we get home!"   My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE: "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"   My Mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."   &   "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to The store with me."   My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."   My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD: "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."   My Mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"   My Mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."   My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."   My Mother taught me about SEX: "How do you think you got here?"   My Mother taught me about GENETICS: "You're just like your father."   My Mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Do you think you were born in a barn?"   My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE: "When you get to be my age, you will understand."   My Mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."   My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."   My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"   My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."   My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."   My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"   My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"   My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."   My mother taught me about WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."   My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"   My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!! !"   My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."   My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"   My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"   ************ *

__._,_.___